I am really, really proud of myself

Overload: This week my mind was in a strange space. I was overwhelmed. The things I turned to clear my head space were not working so great. So I gave myself permission to slow my pace.

Pump the Breaks: It’s what I needed. Guilt crept up like a spider, slow and obviously there. There were things that I thought I should have been doing. But my beautiful writing group echoed these same sentiments to me. “Take a week off. It’s okay to give yourself a break.” I worked the break into my schedule. Producing all of the time is stress inducing. The lesson that is popping up in different places, is that not taking a break is another way to say that I am worthless.

Freedom is Mine: Realizing and accepting that I am in an exploratory phase of my life is liberating. I don’t have to have all of the answers. Learning in life doesn’t have the same awful risks as we had in school. My fate is not determined by a grade or an average of a series of grades. My one job is to be authentic. Everything else that doesn’t fit into that will naturally cancel itself out of my life.

Stop measuring: This concept is bizarre to me. I know what my value is. I am marvelous, but the things that I am changing now, is the way I measure how I am marvelous. Or I guess simply put, stepping away from measuring anything at all. We are conditioned to achieve goals. We are trained to be leaders. We are worker-bees. I really have no clue how the stereotype of Americas being lazy came about. We are very hard working people with barely any breaks built in. Even when we have vacations or personal tragedies we have to deal with, it is often frowned upon to leave productivity behind. Sometimes we are made to feel like if we stop we will crash and the entire house of cards will fall with our needing a break.

Don’t Hurry Up: I think it was author Louise Hay who said, “hurry up” is equivalent to saying, “hurry up and die”. I am still figuring out life and how to trust the process. What I do know is, I took time in the week when I needed it and I feel better now. I listened to music without changing the song all the time. Whatever came on in my “shuffle” mode was what my ears were meant to hear.

I stayed up later when I felt like watching a few more episodes of a comedy I rented. I was laughing enough that it was worth the one hour less of sleep…I snuck in two extra episodes this way:)

I am still learning how to reduce worry, guilt, pain, and let flexibility, joy, and gratitude flow like it’s always been there, but I cannot be the only one who is looking.

For now I will say, I am really, really proud of myself.


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