A remarkable thing happened today. I got rejected from a job I thought I had. I was already picturing myself working there and really excited. The remarkable thing was that I was with one of my dearest friends when I got the email.
I haven’t seen this friend in six months. She visited me just in time. Me not getting this job felt like the end of the world. I am a resilient person but because multiple facets of my foundation have been swept away, I have felt a sense of hell I wish on no person.
I have felt more fear in the last week then I have felt in a lifetime. This sounds really dramatic, I know. Imagine living it. Imagine living through a week where you felt no hope. Where you felt no sense of safety. Welcome to hell.
I saw Marianne Williamson on an interview with Oprah. I recognized her name because of a quote I heard in a few movies including Coach Carter. The quote goes like this, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
It is an interesting concept for sure. I am now reading her book A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, where the quote comes from. So far she explains that fear is equal to hell.
As I continue to experience shame in my life, I realize that the negative thoughts in my mind are levels of hell that I have no desire to be in.
So I suppose the strongest intention we could set for ourselves is to live a life without fear. To me “getting in our own way” is letting fear rule our lives. We need to have the difficult uncomfortable conversations. We need to set boundaries and move on to better spaces and better people if the boundaries are broken.
With regard to being fearful of unsafe situations okay I get it. All I am saying is pinpoint what you are scared of and empower yourself with your options. How can you protect yourself? How can you be proactive and fight back or train yourself to oppose the threat? I don’t know what that looks like for you. But remember you can google anything. I say this because when I feel lost, I forget this all of the time.
Another something that softened the blow of my rejection was the fact that I finished another chapter in a book I am writing. I felt a sense of accomplishment and competency that had nothing to do with another party validating me. Thank God. Seriously thank you GOD for helping me build things on my own. I am hearing that creation is like prayer. Creation is the heart opener I choose. Creation is the way that I want faith to enter my world so I don’t crumble when everything else feels out of place.
And for those of you who worry about saying the right thing, or not saying the right thing…you need to know just having my friend with me helped me. She said all the right things, but it was so different having her in person. I could feel her warmth. She remained calm when I wanted to scream. Don’t underestimate your power of physically being there. All I can think about is the people who don’t have anyone there when they need a person. I don’t know how else I can tell you or show you that each one of us is a powerful healer. Human connection remains the best connection.
I hope you don’t let fear get in the way of you spending time with people. I hope you find love in situations all around you. I hope you build safe spaces in your life to visit when darkness surrounds you.
I hope you find ways to celebrate your worth because I cannot be the only one who is looking.