I have been building a tolerance for emotional pain like most of us going through the waves of life. I had an epiphany three weeks ago. I have dedicated my career to helping people. But instead of worrying about how I’m not currently helping (still on my job search), I thought…hum. Maybe this year has been a service year to myself!
What a powerful thought! If I can learn to enjoy my time now, truly see every day as a gift, I will be present on a whole new level. If I can find my way to life’s pleasures and allow myself to accept fully how happy I am in the moment I will be a master of life.
It is so easy for me to say, “Oh, I’ll do that when I get a job. I’ll work on that extra stuff when I’m settled”. These points are valid but I’m just pushing my life to be in some distant land. If we are always talking about doing things in the future they never come within reach. I have also been guilty of putting things off when I do have everything I need. When I was working I put off fun creative things that I wanted to do. “Oh I’ll get to that when I have more time”.
The best action step we can take is to make a list of all the items we want to do in the future and figure out how to do them now! I had this bizarre fear that I would have nothing to look forward to if I completed them. I’ll tell you as a new master of life…I say this in a humble tone and with a smile on my face…other wonderful ideas will come in your head. Just do everything and as each item is crossed off, show gratitude for all the fun in your life and say please bring me more in a peaceful and joyful manner!
Since September hit, I have been feeling a new wave of hope. One of my creative groups is gearing back up. More companies are hiring now that August is over. And I am having patience with myself as I learn to tolerate blissful moments. I know this sounds strange, but when I feel happy to be alive I am overwhelmed. I want to start to cry because I’m so beside myself at how utterly hopeless I could feel in the not so distant past. I’m tearing up now…
I will say one last promise to you. Life always gets better. If you look at the functions of the world seasons change. Even our bodies go through periods of rest and periods of being awake. There is a natural order to everything. As Herme Hesse says in Siddartha, “Like the river, everything returns”. I believe this applies to emotions also. Good emotions flood back to us. It’s so hard to know this when we are down. There is a sort of blindness that occurs when bad times happen.
I for one, like the tide am still going back and forth between the currents of hopeless and hopeful outlooks, but I’m sure I cannot be the only one who is looking for land.
Until then, I will be building a tolerance for pleasure because I deserve it, and so do every single one of you.