Under Pressure

No matter where we are in our lives it seems we cannot escape the pressure that other people put on us.  I could take this conversation in so many directions but I’m really talking about pressure related to our personal lives.

First we are asked, when are you going to get married, then when are you having children, and even after the first baby comes along the nosy people ask about baby #2.

The thing I don’t understand is if most of us do not enjoy these super personal questions, why are so many others still asking?

To the person asking: Remember you might be hitting a serious nerve. Hitting these so called milestones are not like graduating high school or learning how to drive. If the person you are so curious about wants to share something with you, they will. If you are trying to find that line between what is appropriate to ask and what isn’t here is a tip. Is what you are asking about in this person’s control? While I myself am a planner I know that I can’t predict how most milestones in my life are going to pan out. Even now when I am applying jobs, I have no clue when an employer is going to think I am the right match and make me the offer. 

To the person being asked: Try to remember that people are often socially awkward. Yes the asker is intruding but they could also be stuck for conversation. And most likely they are trying to either prepare themselves for how the change in your life will impact them, or make sure they are included in your life as you keep evolving.

The wonderful movement in our modern times is that a “happy ending” doesn’t just look one way anymore. There are couples with no children who lead satisfying lives. Same for single people. Same for other combinations I am not thinking of.

As long as each of us finds out what we want, and we do our best to make it come true, nothing else matters. Now imagine if we could just channel all that pressure into helping each other make those dreams come true. That seems like a much more peaceful pace to live by.

I hope you find ways to deal with the pressure in your life. I trust you will create heaven on earth to the best of your ability. I hope you find ways to create boundaries with all the askers in your life because I cannot be the only one who is looking.




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