I recently attended a graduation of a close friend. She applied for one grad school program and didn’t get in. The night she didn’t get in she came out to eat with my family. After the meal she told me her plan B. It turns out she had been wanting to do her plan B, but fear was stopping her from pursuing it.
She now has her masters in her “plan B” program. For me what I realized is that when she didn’t get in, it wasn’t rejection it was redirection. If she got in before, she wouldn’t have been 100% authentic in what she wanted. That door needed to close for her, in order to redirect herself. So that old phrase, when one door closes another one opens is true- but in a different way. Maybe the doors that close are just a way to gently guide us to our best selves.
There was an interview with Arianna Huffington where she quoted the poet Rumi, “It’s rigged — everything, in your favor.
So there is nothing to worry about.“
Below is my note to the graduate:
“No matter what you go through in life moving forward you will always have this detailed journey to look back on. You will always remember following your intuition, doing everything in your power to succeed, and finally surrendering to the circumstance.
Remember that even when we do everything in our power the universe still has to meet us half way. I’m not saying this to overwhelm you, but rather to comfort you.
You now have so many tools to overcome obstacles and advise other people that life always gets better. When we are authentic with what we want the path always becomes a bit clearer.”
The thing is that I really admire her and anyone who creates a vision of excellence for themselves and goes for it. It’s so easy to live with regret. It’s harder to go for it and do everything in your power to make your desires come true.
In The Gita it says that if we do not try to accomplish our desire we are left wanting something, and therefore will be reborn (reincarnate) until we fulfill all desires. Talk about procrastination!! So whenever I’m on the fence about something, I always ask myself- Will I regret this if I don’t do it? It has been a great guiding question to move me forward on what really matters moment to moment.
And all we can really do is what’s in our power. Even when we love someone, all we can do is ask them to spend time with us and give us a chance. If they say no, at least you went for it! You did what was in your control and remember it’s not rejection it’s redirection!
Many people told me how much fun my 20’s would be. Yes I am having fun but I also find these years incredibly painful. The amount of rejection we face is ridiculous. We are trying to form our careers, social lives, basically start everything! It’s not easy but certainly comforting to know that decades from now, when I look back I will see how I was for sure exactly where I was meant to be. It’s upsetting in the moment when a job or experience doesn’t work out, but in the long-run if you dive into as many opportunities as you can, you won’t even remember some of those rejection letters.
That’s the beauty about constantly going after your desires. There are so many paths, opportunities, experiences to have that if you keep moving you will barely notice what doesn’t stick. And gratitude for what does stick is what makes me feel so alive.
I hope you find ways to reframe your “rejections” because I cannot be the only one who is looking.